A blog about blogs .....

Hello friends! I have a lot to tell you about from the last month, but this is just a quickie to let you know that I have expanded my blogging empire - mwa hah hah hah hah!!! 

As part of my desire to work towards being a writer I decided to separate my blog topics so instead of using this one as a receptacle for all the nonsense in my head, I will now have three separate avenues to explore.

I will be keeping Adventures of a Puuurplemonster Abroad going and limiting it to the purpose it was intended for - a fun place to keep friends and family up to date with my daily life and adventures.

I have decided to make The Widow Chronicles series I started here a blog in it's own right, and I will use it as my therapy and share all the ups and downs and questions and decisions that I will face as I move forward. You can find The Widow Chronicles here. Aside from the first post, the other entries so far are just copies of the Chronicles posts on this site, but I will get something new up there soon.

I have also decided to formalise my cooking adventures here at The Puuurple Kitchen, a site dedicated entirely to cooking and baking, with the emphasis on making cooking for one person less of a chore. I hope that this will help get me back in the kitchen and give me something fun and productive to focus on while I work my way towards whatever else lies ahead. 

I hope you all find my new musings as entertaining as you appear to have found my previous efforts!

See you all soon! Somewhere ......! :-)

The Widow Chronicles Part V - Say Hello To My Little Friend!

And now for a long overdue happy post!! Please allow me to introduce little Savannah, the latest addition to Clan Kavanagh!

About 10 days ago I got a cryptic call from my friend Rachel to say she had found a stray dog in our street playing with the traffic and could I come help as she didn't know what to do with her. Intrigued, I postponed my busy afternoon of back to back episodes of Boardwalk Empire and went to investigate. 

What I found was very sweet confused chihuahua with a ratty collar, no tags and claws that would have made Wolverine jealous! Not knowing what to do, we fashioned a makeshift leash and took her for a walk round the neighborhood to see if anyone recognized her or if she would recognize her home, but had no success. 

We thought for sure that when the after-work crowd hit the park at the end of the street to walk their dogs someone would recognize her as it is a very dog friendly area and everyone knows everyone, but no-one could help.

I offered to keep her overnight rather than taking her to a dog home, and we put up posters around the park and the neighborhood to see if anyone was looking for her. I certainly wasn't planning on keeping her at that stage, but as one night turned into five nights we started to bond and I began to think that maybe a puppy was just the distraction I need right now!

We kept the posters up over the weekend but got no response, and on the Monday I took her to the vet to see if she had a micro chip, which I was very happy to find that she did not! 

Despite the signs of neglect, she is really well behaved and has obviously had some training as we have had no toilet accidents in the house and she is (mostly) very calm and has quickly made herself at home. If I were to pick a dog for myself I probably wouldn't have chosen a chihuahua, but she has all the personality traits I would look for so we are a perfect match!

Having Savannah has been really good for me as she has put some structure back in my day and given me a purpose again. I am getting up at a reasonable hour instead of lying in bed til lunchtime, going to bed at a reasonable hour rather than staying up til 2 or 3am watching tv, getting out of the house 4 times a day where before days could go by before I saw outside, and she is wonderful company, whether we are just curled up on the sofa or chasing balls around the kitchen. She is without a doubt the best thing to happen to me this year!

Lousy timing though as I am off to Scotland tomorrow for three weeks! Luckily Rachel is a dog lover too and will be taking care of Savannah for most of my trip - thanks Rachel!! I am a little worried though, as by the time I get back she will have lived with Rachel for longer than she has lived with me and she might decide she prefers to stay!! I have told Rachel that I will be expecting regular Skype dates with my puppy while I am away, and I plan to leave a photo of me beside her bed so she doesn't forget about me!!!

Well, on that note I should probably go start on my packing as I am notorious for running around at the last minute throwing forgotten things into my suitcase, but I think we all know how I will really be spending my day ...... WOOF!! 

The Widow Chronicles Part IV - The Scottish Memorial

OK folks, here are the details of the Scottish memorial. It will be held on Saturday March 1st at 2.30pm in Dundonald Parish Church, near Troon. Here is a link to Google maps for directions. 

After the service we will be going next door to the Montgomerie Hall for a buffet and wine. If you are not a wine drinker you may want to bring your own beverage of choice, and we can talk about getting you some therapy at some point of the afternoon!

We will have the hall til 8pm and, in the spirit of the California memorial and at Peter's request, we will be making this a celebration of his life rather than a sorrowful affair. So, no traditional funeral attire please - think happy and fun colours, and gentlemen are welcome to wear their kilts if they feel that way inclined (I don't get to see too many kilted men these days!). His mother and I would also like to hear the hall full of laughter so please get your best memories and stories ready!

Parking will be limited around the church, I'm afraid, so you may want to car pool if you know other people who are planning to come, and get there early and perhaps be prepared to walk a little.

I think that about covers it. If you have any questions please feel free to either post it in the comments section, or Facebook or email me. 

Circumstances aside, I am looking forward to seeing you all on the 1st and honouring my beloved husband in the way he deserves - with love, laughter and lots of wine! 

The Widow Chronicles Part III - Milestones

It's been a funny old month since I wrote last. There have been a lot of fun times peppered with some very quiet days with nothing to do and lots of time to dwell on my loss, and on these days it has been very hard to motivate myself to do anything positive or productive. I have also experienced the first of my Post-Peter milestones which were a bit strange but thankfully not as traumatic as they could have been. 

First up was my birthday at the beginning of the month. My wonderful friends made a huge effort to help me celebrate with a week full of activities, and while I definitely had a lot of fun it didn't really feel like a birthday without him. The best gift I received this year was a visit from my dear dear friends from Scotland, Lynsey & Kieran, and they provided a perfect distraction! It was so wonderful to have a chance to catch up with them properly, and we packed their week with lots of drinking and pizza and laughing, and sadly for Kieran a wee bout of food poisoning :-(

Next up was Valentine's Day. Now, Peter and I never really celebrated Valentine's Day - going out for dinner always seemed such a con as the restaurants were always over-booked serving over-priced restricted menus, so we would usually stay in and spend the money on a couple of nice steaks or a takeaway and a really good bottle of wine. Once again, though, I was fortunate enough to have a perfect distraction in the shape of the lovely Chika & Casey who came round to entertain me with some deeeelicious wine, and a small adorable stray chihuahua that Rachel had found playing with the traffic outside our complex and I had agreed to look after while we tried to find her owner (more on her later).

I won't lie, I did get a bit tipsy and weepy later on that night, but my new canine buddy did a grand job of cheering me up - it was quite hard to stay sad with that adorable face staring up at me!!

The third milestone was a less formal one and really caught me by surprise - my first concert without him. Last Thursday I went to see Imagine Dragons, and while they were bloody brilliant, it was hard to fully get into the night. My mind kept straying to how much he would have enjoyed it, how much I would like to have told him all about it when I got home, and then all the brilliant times that we had had at concerts together over the years. 

Randomly, the concert was the milestone that upset me the most, but I guess I'm going to have to get used to that as our life together was full of happy memories and fun times that we had together and unless I plan on becoming a hermit (nae chance!) I will come across more and more of these as the year goes on. Hopefully they will get easier, and perhaps I can at least be a little more prepared in future!

That's pretty much all I have to say for now. I think the puppy deserves a post all to herself so I will tell you all about her in a day or two - we're off to the vet tomorrow to get her checked out and make sure she is healthy so hopefully I will have happy news there! I will also post full details and directions for Peter's Scottish memorial, which is happening on Saturday March 1st, as soon as I have them confirmed. 

Right, I'm off to make some lunch. Catch y'all later!! x

The Widow Chronicles Part II - How am I doing?

A question I get asked several times a day is "how are you doing?", usually followed by "Oh that must be a stupid question!" But it's not a stupid question, it is a caring one, and I am grateful that I have so many friends who care.

It is a complex one though, and the answer can change on an hourly basis depending on my current  mood and activity. My responses, however, rarely vary from "Oh, I'm doing OK" or "Y'know, good days and bad" as it isn't always easy to elaborate (and sometimes I simply cant be arsed!)

So I thought I might try a little blog therapy and see if I can clarify, as much for myself as for my concerned friends. OK, here goes ......

I know I haven't fully come to terms with the loss, although I am painfully aware that my baby isn't coming back. There's a dullness, an emptiness that is always with me. I haven't just lost my husband. Ive lost my best friend, the man I have spent pretty much my entire adult life with. 

He was the man I shared everything with - the good and the bad. I feel frustrated when there are things that I want to tell him then remember that he isn't here. I still talk to him though - I wear his wedding ring and somehow that feels like he is still with me.

I feel the emptiness most when I have an evening to myself - not that I have had many of those since he passed! The days don't feel too bad as there is usually something to occupy myself. I'm trying to get back to the gym (although Ive only made it once!) and I've been trying to get back into my cooking (although I don't find myself home alone at dinner time very often) There is a lot of paperwork and companies that need to be notified of his death, but I try and spread those calls out as it is rather depressing having to explain over and over why I am calling. And of course, there is the everyday housework and laundry that doesn't stop just because I am grieving.

But the evenings can be very lonely. The novelty of being able to watch all my shite TV without being called a sadcase wears off quite quickly when I remember that he isn't out with friends or away on business. I always used to treasure a few days by myself to sit in my PJs all day and watch back to back episodes of Battlestar Galactica or Fringe or whatever else I couldn't get away with when he was around, but the pleasure was in knowing that he would be home soon and calling me a sadcase once more!

Ive lost the man that made me want to be a better person. Ive lost the man that gave me direction and gave me a reason to get up every morning. Ive never had much personal ambition, but Peter had more than enough for both of us and it was my pleasure and my privilege to stand by him and help him achieve his dreams.

I find myself quite lost as I try and decide what to do now. His final gift to me is the financial security and opportunity to choose my own future and do something for myself, although I have no idea what. The winner at the moment is something involving writing, but what kind (fiction, some kind of journalism, publishing, PR) I don't know, or even if this is a realistic option.

What I do know is that I want to stay here in sunny California as this is where we have both been happiest, and to leave would be to lose yet another part of him. But to stay here I will have to find a career that will allow me to maintain my current lifestyle and still be able to afford some of the little luxuries that make life over here so wonderful. If I cant do that then I would be better moving somewhere where the cost of living is lower and spending my vacations here - but we'll call that plan B for now!

Surprisingly though, even in these dark days there is a joy that I didn't think I would find. I spent the weekend with a few of our closest friends who are grieving almost as much as I. We shared so many stories and laughed so much that I realised that with the wealth of wonderful memories I have, I am the richest woman in the world! How lucky am I that he chose to spend his life with me?!?! I know that If I had the chance to go back to the night we met, in full knowledge that we would only have 15 years together, then I would do it all again in a heartbeat as 15 years with Peter is worth more than 50 with any other man, and I am glad that I was able to tell him that before he died.

At the weekend while laughing with our friends I also realised that, while there will always be a Peter shaped hole in the room and in my heart, there is a future for me where I can be happy. In truth, there has been a lot more laughter than tears over the last few weeks. A popular game has been "What would Peter say?" and that is always guaranteed to raise a smile!

There is also an undeniable comfort in knowing that my baby is at peace now. I knew for some time that I wasn't going to be allowed to keep him, and it was devastating to watch my powerhouse of a husband fade away and suffer as he did. Although I would sell my soul to have him back, and would have gladly nursed him for another 50 years if I'd been given the opportunity, I am happy that his release came sooner rather than later.

Well, that is probably enough for now. My apologies if this has been a bit long winded, but as I said at the start, this is as much for me as it is for you so deal with it! 

And know that if I tell you I'm doing OK, for now, I really am!

The Widow Chronicles - Part I

Hello friends. So much has happened since I last wrote, most obviously the passing of my dear dear husband on the 4th.

As I had reported on New Year's Day, Hubby's breathing had started to deteriorate and while the changes that we made to his medications helped a little, by early that Saturday morning it was clear that something was wrong. 

I called the hospice around 8am to report the changes and they said they would get a nurse out to us, and I called his parents, who had arrived the week before and were staying at the end of the street, to let them know that Peter was asking for them.

I didn't think at this point that things would move so quickly, but as soon as I had hung up to his parents Peter told me that he knew his time was coming and we were able to tell each other how much we loved each other and say our final words. 

His parents arrived shortly after, and we had time to wake his sister, who had arrived the night before and was staying with my friend next door, and they too were able to say their final words, and we were all together when he passed away around 9am.

I cant even begin to describe the pain of feeling your soul mate take his final breath in your arms, and it is something that I think will haunt me forever. But there is also comfort in knowing that he no longer suffers. He was so terribly ill in his last few weeks, and he suffered more than I could bear to watch at times. 

I have been blown away by the response online to Peter's passing. Very quickly both our Facebook pages were awash with messages of condolence, touching tributes and memories, and wonderful pictures, some of which I had not seen before. These all made me so proud to have been married to such an amazing and well loved and respected man, and they give me comfort still.

There is simply no way I can adequately thank my awesome army of friends who have supported me since that awful day. Within about 10 mins of his passing they started to arrive and they have been on hand ever since, either dragging me out when I need distraction or making sure I have space when I need down time. 

There are too many of you to name individually, but I hope you all know who you are and how grateful I am. 

I have to say a special thank you though to Katy, Cameron, Rachel & Heather for going above and beyond the call of duty. For taking care of all the paperwork and formalities, for all the time and effort you put into planning Peter's spectacular memorial, for giving me somewhere to stay until I was ready to stay at home again, for donating your guest rooms to overseas visitors, and for being there for me when I need you. I simply could not have survived the last two weeks without you and I love you all dearly.

That's probably enough for today. I will share more details about his memorial in the future once his parents have had their memorial for him in the UK, and I will let you see where we scattered his ashes once I have copies of the photos. 

And as always, I will share all the ups and downs and adventures that my new life brings me. It will be a much duller life, and most definitely not the life I would choose, but I intend to live it in a way that would make my husband proud!

I love you baby. Rest well xxx

Not-so-happy new year update

Happy new year, my friends! I hope you all celebrated last night in style!

We had a very subdued evening as unfortunately my dear Hubby has taken a turn for the worse. Starting yesterday morning his breathing had become very laboured and quite rattly and we had to increase his morphine doses to try and calm his breathing down. This worked during the day but overnight the problem came back so today we consulted one of the hospice nurses.

Once the nurse had checked Hubby over his conclusion was that his body was starting to shut down and that continuing with the IV nutrition was overloading Hubby's body with more fluid than it could process, which in turn was putting added pressure on his heart and contributing to the breathing problems.

The solution is to stop the IV nutrition immediately, but this will not hasten Hubby's death as he is no longer absorbing any of the nutrients and should actually make him more comfortable in the last leg of his journey.

We have also increased his morphine dose again which should help his breathing significantly, but will likely also make him sleep a lot more. I cant help but feel that this is a good thing as Hubby has become noticeably disorientated and confused over the last couple of days.

We have been told that these, among others, are signs that we are nearing the end and we can expect anything from a couple of days up to a couple of weeks.

It is a brutal way to start the year, but I take some comfort knowing that my beloved will soon be at peace.

In light of this, we will have to stop any future visits and cancel any that have been planned for the next few days, but if you have any words or messages you would like to pass on please text/message/email and I will be sure to pass them on for as long as I can.

Thank you again for all the messages of love and support that have continued to flood in over the last few days - I love hearing about your memories of my wonderful husband and they really do help to keep me strong.

As always, I will keep you posted on any changes. x

With thanks ....!

Well hello again, my friends! Since my post yesterday Hubby and I have been inundated with the most wonderful messages of love and support from all over the world. I cant even begin to tell you how much that means to me!

From the friends we see and speak to regularly, to the people we haven't heard from in a long time, and a few people I have never met - thank you, everyone, from the bottom of my heart! Your words and kind thoughts are incredibly uplifting at a time when it can be very hard to find joy.

It is truly heartwarming to see how much my dear hubby is loved and respected by you all, and to know how much he will be missed.

We had a pretty chilled night last night and busted out Despicable Me 2 for a first viewing, which we both thoroughly enjoyed!

The doctors were still tweaking away at his pain meds (we are trying to get away from pill form and get him onto all liquid pain control) and he had a much stronger dose of the liquid which made him very sleepy and a bit worried so we had a night of broken sleep while I monitored his breathing and made sure he was comfortable - which he was, phew! 

Tonight we have another tweak and will be getting rid of the pain pills completely so I don't expect to have any lively conversation this evening, but that's OK as I still have Christmas Day's Dr Who to watch! It looks like the liquid is doing a better job at keeping his pain under control which is wonderful, and in another couple of days his body should be used to the new dose and hopefully he will be less sleepy.

In other completely random and frivolous news, (because it cant be all doom and gloom!) I decided last week that it was time to get rid of the blond hair. This decision had nothing at all to do with a year's worth of DIY bleaching leaving my hair scorched, frazzled and looking like a scarecrow! Nothing at all!!

So I decided to go bright red!!! But my hair decided to go ......

..... well, kinda pink! Again, I am sure that this has nothing to do with my hair being so utterly abused that the dye wouldn't stick to it! Nothing at all! 

This picture doesn't do the colour full justice as the back and the roots are quite red, and it contrasts quite spectacularly with the faded pinky ends, so I have ended up being rather happy with it! 

A slightly better shot of the colour

I wouldn't get too used to it though, after a year of continuous blondness - the longest I have ever maintained a colour other than my natural one - I suspect that I will be mixing it up fairly regularly over the next few months! 

On that note, it is time for my dinner and I hear a pizza calling me from the freezer - happy days! I'll check in again tomorrow and let you know how the boy was over night.

Laters .... x

The Latest Hubby Update

Hello friends. I apologize for the lack of updates, but the news has not been good and I have not had the heart to write about it.

A recent PET scan showed that sadly the latest chemo was having no effect and that all the tumours had grown again, so last week, in consultation with the oncologist, my brave hubby decided to stop chemo and begin hospice care. A horrific decision to have to make, but it is the right one and now we can concentrate on keeping him comfortable and hopefully squeeze a little fun in before the end.

No one can tell us how long he has left, but his health is visibly declining and we know that we are looking at weeks rather than months. 

The hospice care will be done in the home as much as possible, and I am delighted that he will be able to remain in the comfort of his own home and that I will be able to continue to care for him.

The hospice people have mostly been wonderful so far, and the doctors and nurses have been in contact daily while we adjust his medications to get him and keep him comfortable, and he even had a massage from one of the hospice volunteers today!

Christmas was a toughie, but our amazing friends did their best to make it special and hand delivered me a rather yummy Christmas plate so that I didn't miss out on my festive dinner! It was hard to know what to get him for presents, but I figured I couldn't go wrong with light hearted movies so we have some Muppets movies, Despicable Me 2, Elf, and the original Star Wars trilogy on Blu Ray to look forward to over the next few days, along with some 3D spacey geeky nonsense :-)

I know a lot of people will want to come and visit Hubby but he gets very tired very easily so I'm afraid there may not be many opportunities for visits. Please text or email me, or text Peter, before visiting to see if he is fit, and be aware that any scheduled visits may have to be cut short or cancelled at short notice depending on how his day has been.

Also, be aware that if you are sending him texts it is probably me that is reading them and while you may not always get a reply I am passing on your messages.

Well, that pretty much covers it. I will keep you posted on any changes in Hubby's condition, and hopefully we'll manage to have some fun updates too! 

Laters ..... x

Hubby Operation Update

Just wanted to let you all know that Hubby had his left lung drained of about a litre of yucky gunk this morning, and had the filter to stop the blood clots inserted. Both procedures went well and he is dozing happily and comfortably as I type.

We don't know yet if the draining has taken care of the palpitation problem (he also had an echo cardiogram this morning that we haven't heard back about yet) but it certainly explained why he was having trouble breathing so it should at least help! I guess we'll find out when he tries to move or get up!

We also heard back from our oncologist this morning on what they found when they compared Hubby's recent CT scan to the previous scans and it was a mixed result - the lesions in the liver had either stayed the same or grown a little bit, which isn't great, but the stomach tumour showed significant reduction, which is better news and we will take any good news we can get!

I'll let you know when we have any more updates.

Laters ... x

Further Hubby Hospital Update

Hello again. If you are wondering how Hubby's little stay at the Good Samaritan Health Spa is going, then this post is for you!!

As you know, we checked in on Thursday and they found that he was very anemic again and wanted to keep him in for another blood transfusion. They also did a CT scan on Friday night and discovered that he has a number of blood clots in his lungs, and an ultrasound on his legs where they found more clots.

The clots, along with the anemia, are most likely the reason that he has been so wiped out that he couldn't move, and also should explain the strains and pains around his heart. Tomorrow he will be having a filter inserted in to his vena cava that will catch any new clots in his legs moving up to his lungs, and he is on a blood thinner that should dissolve any clots currently in his system. He should also hopefully be getting his lungs drained tomorrow, which should ease some of his pain.

All rather horrible, but essential to getting him well enough to bring him home, which if all goes to plan should happen sometime after Wednesday or Thursday *fingers crossed*

Despite this, we still managed to throw him a pretty respectable birthday party yesterday with loads of pressies and cake and champagne - hurrah!! It was quite tiring for him but he made a good effort and he managed to enjoy himself (as much as anyone in hospital can enjoy themselves!!) A huge thank you to everyone who helped make yesterday special - we weren't going to let a little thing like being in hospital stop us from celebrating in style!! ;-)

I guess that's all the news for tonight. I will, of course, let you know how he gets on with his procedures tomorrow.

Laters .... x

Hubby Hospital Update

Hello peoples! Just a quickie to let you know that Hubby is having another wee stay in hospital just now. He has been really wiped out for the last week between his chemo, the insulin adjustments in his IV nutrition and his new meds.

This has left him utterly exhausted and unable to move, and he has had problems with heart palpitations whenever he did try to move. A quick trip to the ER showed that he was very anaemic again so they are keeping him in for another blood transfusion, which they think may fix all the problems, but if not they will hook him up with a cardiologist in the morning and see what else they can find.

As I left he was a quarter of the way into his transfusion and already looking a million times better and was busy telling the nurses how to do their jobs so he is well on the way to recovery!

Well, it has been a long-ass day and I am just home (it's midnight!) and I am settling down to my dinner and a glass (or 3) of bourbon before I turn in for the night.

I really cannot thank the wonderful Miss Garneau enough for hanging around all evening waiting to give me a lift home (and then back to the bloody hospital with something I had forgotten then home again!!) You are a legend and I love you dearly!!

Right, my pizza is nearly done and I am ready to switch off for the night!! I will post again tomorrow when I get back and see how the boy is.

Laters ... x

Weekend Hubby Update

Happy Saturday, people!! Hope you are all having a lovely weekend and doing something fun!!

Thought I would give you a quick update on the pain management appointment yesterday. The nurse and doctor we saw were really nice and really understanding of the pain and problems Hubby is currently going through. They explained that the reason the fentanyl patch hadn't been as effective as we had hoped was because it relies on fatty tissue to absorb and distribute the drug through his system, and as there is not a drop of fat on the Hubby right now the absorption levels had been erratic.

So we now have a shiny new regime of MS Contin (a morphine pill) every 8 hours, with a liquid morphine that he can take as needed for breakthrough pain. The pills are making his head rather fuzzy for the first hour or two, but they seem to dealing with the pain which is great and he has only had to take the top up morphine a couple of times.

Unfortunately this weekend he is also dealing with the after effects of the chemo on Wednesday, and some problems with his blood sugar levels due to the IV nutrition. They have added insulin to the IV bag and we were up for a lot of last night testing his blood and adjusting the insulin levels. I am currently waiting for a call back from the nutrition people so we can discuss how to give him a better night tonight as we would both be very grateful for a better night's sleep!!

Well, I shall get back to descaling my coffee machine now - I have been without means to make coffee for over a week now and I am getting a bit fed up having to haul my sleepy ass down to the coffee shop for my morning fix!

Laters ..... x 

Belated Hubby Update

Greetings friends! How have the last few weeks treated you? We've had a few ups and downs but things seem to be balancing out now. I wont bore you with all the details but here are the highlights:

First up, Hubby has just finished the latest round of chemo and seems to be tolerating it pretty well. We were hoping to get him back on the chemo pills this week (which the oncologist had stopped after his little stay in hospital last month to give him a chance to recover) but that is still on hold. Fingers crossed we can get back on those soon!

Pain management has still been a problem. We have been prescribed some stronger stuff which seems to work some of the time but not consistently so we have an appointment with a pain management specialist tomorrow to see if we can get some better options. We also have an MRI scheduled for Monday to see if we can identify the cause of the pain in the middle of his back which is causing him the most trouble right now. 

He has been receiving the IV nutrition for 3 weeks and it seems to be doing a good job as he has put on a few pounds and is looking noticeably healthier and less pale. His appetite is coming back in fits and starts and he has developed a fondness for chicken nuggets, tater tots and Cool Ranch Doritos! Hey - whatever works!!! :-)

On his good days he has a lot more energy and has managed to be a bit more sociable, even if just for an hour or so, which is wonderful to see! We enjoyed a few good group gatherings as we watched the Red Sox romp to World Series victory and we are now proper baseball fans - we have tshirts and everything!! (Thanks Rachel!! Or technically, thanks Rachel's mom!!)

He has also started making his model air planes again - something he loved to do in the UK but hadn't had the time to pursue since we moved here. Well, he has plenty of time on his hands just now! I am really happy that he has taken up his hobby again as it is keeping both his hands and his mind occupied!

In other news, my driving is progressing - just as well as my test is in two weeks time!! (I had to schedule it before my learner's permit expired this month) I still have a couple of lessons before my test, and I have some very generous (and brave!) friends who have taken me out for some practise session - including a rather scary jaunt down to Santa Cruz and back!! I would say that I am cautiously optimistic that I will be able to pass, but please everyone keep your fingers crossed for me and pray to your God of choice!!

In sadder news, we definitely wont be able to make the Sea Ranch Thanksgiving trip with the gang as the next chemo is scheduled for the day before and the day of Thanksgiving :-( Rather disappointing, but chemo comes first and the priority is to get him fixed so we can enjoy many more Thanksgivings to come!!

Well, that about covers it, I think. I should really go off and do something productive but I am rather sleepy so I shall probably just sit on my ass watch some TV for a bit :-) I will keep you posted on how the upcoming appointments go, and anything else that I think you might like to know. Enjoy the rest of your day!! x

Multiple Hubby Updates

Good afternoon, my friends! I hope you are all having a lovely weekend!!

Its been a mixture of highs and lows since I last wrote, but I am pleased to report that we are on a high at the moment! Hurrah!!

On Wednesday evening after chemo Hubby was on astoundingly good form so I suggested we pop round to our friend and neighbour's house to catch the end of the baseball (Go Red Sox!!) thinking that a wee half hour out the house would do him good. Happily, we ended up there for about 3 hours which I think is the longest he has been out of the house for something other than a hospital appointment for a couple of months!! Yay!!

Thursday wasn't a great day as he was very tired and sore at the hydration session at the chemo centre. The afternoon appointment we had with Immigration Services didn't help, but it was only to get our fingerprints taken for our green card application and luckily we were in and out in about 15 mins.

On Thursday evening we had a nurse come round to get us set up with the IV nutrition program I mentioned on Wednesday. It seems all very straight forward and idiot proof - which is fortunate as I will be playing nurse for the next few weeks and changing the IV bag daily!!

Friday was a particularly rough day for Hubby as he didn't sleep much the night before and was very sore and nauseous from the chemo. We spoke to the oncologist and arranged for a prescription of a Fentanyl patch which is a much stronger painkiller, and is worn for 72 hours so we should be able to avoid the pain highs and lows.

It took a wee while to kick in, but by this morning Hubby was feeling a lot better and was a more chatty when I went to check on him. I am really confident that the combination of the patch and the IV nutrition is what is going to put Hubby on the road to recovery!! :-)

Well on that note it is time for me to go prepare his new feed bag, and then there was a rumour that I might be able to get him out of the house again for a little more baseball action (Go Red Sox!)

I'll check back in with you soon! x

Long Overdue Hubby Update

Hello all!! Apologies for the lack of recent information but the last 3 weeks have been mega busy!!

It hasn't all been doom and gloom as we have had some wonderful friends and family come to visit from Scotland, but it has been a particularly rough couple of weeks for poor Hubby.

The new chemo pills have been reacting with the area in Hubby's throat where he had the radiotherapy causing something called radiation recall, which caused Hubby a lot of pain whenever he tried to eat or drink.

This got worse to the point where Hubby was living on boiled eggs and miso soup and, after calling our oncologist for advice, he ended up in hospital for 3 nights last week getting fluids and a blood transfusion :-(

While he was there they also did an endoscopy to make sure the pain in his throat was not being caused by new tumours, and hallelujah! For once we got some good news and they were able to confirm that it was definitely caused by the radiation.

He seemed better when he came out and was managing to eat a little more each day until Monday when his appetite dropped off again and he was in a lot of pain. He has been prescribed an appetite stimulant but that wont kick in for a couple of weeks.

We discussed this with the oncologist when we saw him today and we have been referred to a company that deals with at home IV nutrition to try and build him up as he is incredibly weak right now, but we are not sure if he can eat if he is taking the IV nutrition which seems like it might not really help in the long run so we have a few questions before we agree to this treatment.

Based on his blood counts last week and how weak he was looking today we were unsure if he would get the planned chemo but surprisingly his blood counts were all good today and the oncologist was happy to proceed, but has told Hubby to stay off the additional chemo pills until we see him again in 3 weeks.

Hubby seems to have taken today's treatment quite well and is dosing happily in the chair next to me. Back in tomorrow for more hydration, then fingers crossed we will have a more peaceful cycle this time round!!

I'll keep ya posted!! xxx

Sleepy Hubby Update

Hello! Please forgive me if this post lacks my usual panache but today has been the longest day ever and I am absolutely exhausted!! Nevertheless, Hubby wanted me to get the latest news out so here are the bullet points of our day:

Today Hubby had his final blast of radiology and started on his shiny new chemo regime. 

We got the results of the echo cardiogram this morning which showed that his heart was healthy enough to take the proposed new treatment, and we also got the PET results which showed that while there was improvement in one area, as suspected, most of the tumours have grown. 

We had been warned that the new chemo drug would be more potent and have more nausea and side effects, but I am pleased to report that so far he doesn't seem any worse off than the previous treatments. He said he felt tired and weak but doesn't seem to have had any nausea and even managed to scoff down a sizable portion of Mexican food for his dinner - which would be considered an achievement even on a good day right now!!

So that's about all I can coherently put together right now. We will keep an eye on him overnight, and then we are back at the chemo centre for a couple of hours tomorrow for further hydration, and I will check back in with you in the afternoon and update you on his progress as well as fill in any blanks from today.

For now though, I am off to my bed! Nighty night!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......................................

A Cheeky Wee Hubby Update

Hello friends! Thought I would check in and give you a wee update on the Hubby.

He finished his second week of radiotherapy today and there have been mixed results. They were targeting two places - his hip and his chest - and while he feels that the pain in his hip has improved a bit, the pain in his chest has been significantly worse.

He reported this to the doctor who thought that this *could be a flair up from the radiotherapy which could mean that the treatment is working and prescribed Hubby a short course of steroids to help with the inflammation, which he finished today.

(* a bit vague, I know, but he also ran through a list of symptoms that would give him concern which Hubby had not experienced)

We're not sure how much good the steroids have done - he has reported a slight reduction in pain, but doesn't know if it is due to the steroids or because he has been taking more of the stronger painkillers. We will monitor him over the weekend, and if he continues to be in a lot of pain the doctor says he will prescribe a longer, stronger course of steroids.

Speaking of painkillers, there seems to have been a lot of concern recently from friends and family about Hubby's pain levels and him not being able to get the painkillers he needs and I thought I should clarify. Yes, he has been in more pain than either of us are happy about, but the problem has been more about finding something that Hubby is comfortable with rather than something that deals with the pain.

We have at least 3 doctors who are monitoring his pain levels closely and are happy to prescribe pretty much anything that he thinks might help! Unfortunately Hubby has a very low tolerance for narcotics and more often than not, the side effects of the stronger medications, such as severe digestive problems and feeling dizzy and nauseous, cause him more problems than the original pain, which is why he prefers to manage the pain with over the counter meds whenever he can.

We are trying something new today though - our latest doctor suggested liquid vicodin which will be easy for him to take in reduced doses so hopefully he will be able to find the right balance between pain relief and tripping out of his skull!! We will continue to keep an eye on this and do whatever we can to keep Hubby comfortable until we can start blasting these bloody tumours away!!

Hubby also had his echo cardiogram today to make sure that his heart is strong enough for the new chemo next week, and I can confirm that he does indeed have a heart - hurrah! We will find out on Wednesday what the results are.

Well, that's all the news for now. He has a PET scan tomorrow morning and I will let you know how he gets on with that, but again we wont actually have any results or real information until we meet with the oncologist on Wednesday.

Until next time ,,, x

Two hubby updates for the price of one!!

Hi guys! Here is the latest news from Hubbyland:

This morning we met with the chemo dude to get the results of the latest blood tests and unfortunately the cancer marker number had risen again :-( This was not really a shock as he has visibly been in more pain recently and we kinda knew that the chemo hasn't been working.

So we have a new regime starting in a couple of weeks, and this one appears to be a bit more aggressive. In fact he has to go and have an echo cardiogram to make sure his heart is healthy before they will start the treatment.

If all goes to plan he will be on a 3 week cycle instead of 2 weeks, with a longer first day at the chemo centre (as the new stuff is a lot stronger it has to be given slowly and with extra hydration), then a couple of hours back at the chemo centre on the second day for further hydration, followed by chemo pills for the rest of the cycle. He will continue to get the bone strengthener on every 2nd or 3rd treatment. We will do this for 4 treatments, then get a PET scan and see how we are getting on.

There is a higher chance of side effects with this treatment, but we are hopeful that they wont be too bad as Hubby didn't seem to be too badly affected by the previous treatments (his problems stemmed from the strong painkillers and the bone strengthener rather than the chemo drugs themselves)

As always I have spotted the faintest glimmer of a silver lining - with this regime Hubby wont have to be hooked up to the take home chemo pump for two days which was always a grotty pain in the arse!

The other update is that Hubby started his radiotherapy today - hurrah!! There isn't really much to report other than that the radio dude was happy with how it went, and aside from the machine making scary noises and feeling a warm tingling at one point Hubby did not seem any worse for wear after the session. 

We have no idea how quickly he should start feeling a difference, but he is scheduled for another 9 or 10 sessions over the next couple of weeks and we are very hopeful that things will start to improve soon.

In other news, my driving is coming along slowly but surely! I haven't scheduled any more lessons yet as I was waiting to find out what the radiotherapy schedule was going to be, but thanks to a practise run with a friend's mom (thanks Kris!!!) I am now able to run Hubby back and forward to the medical centre where he gets most of his treatment - hurrah!! And while I am not confident enough to be taking him to the next chemo appointment, as long as he is still on the ball there's no reason why I cant take him to the radio sessions, as well as the cardio and PET scans we are scheduling for next week, thus giving me a good few practise drives. 

Well, that's all the news for now. It's been a long day, Hubby is having a wee nap for a couple of hours, and I am off to enjoy a glass of wine on the porch and catch the end of the sun :-)

As always, I will keep you posted. Laters ..... x

Quick Hubby Update

Happy Friday everyone! This is just a quickie to let you know that all went well at the radiotherapist today. Our latest member of the oncology team seemed like a nice guy and seemed confident that he could help Hubby. He will be speaking to the chemo oncologist to work out a plan of action, but reckons that we will be going for 2 to 3 weeks of radio, then we will get stuck back in to the chemo.

Obviously we wont know any more until next week, and I will be sure to keep you posted when we have a plan!

We are looking forward to a nice quiet weekend now - the last couple of days have been quite scary and tough, but I am feeling more positive again today. Operation Peapod is back in business!! :-)

Have a wonderful weekend, my friends, whatever you get up to! Don't forget to hug your loved ones and tell them that you love them!

Laters .... x